WARNING: This entry is about my boobs.

It�s not a dirty entry � I didn�t take pictures or anything � but I don�t want anyone claiming that the content of this diary entry traumatized them.

On the contrary, this is meant to be an uplifting entry.

So, here we go:

Apparently, I�ve been living half of my life stuffed into an ill-fitting bra. That explains a lot�

I�m a 32, not a 36. (Women aren�t supposed to breathe so much as pant in their lingerie, turns out.) And get this � I�ve been a DD trapped in a C cup brassiere. (I still can�t get over that one.)

Who knew? I hadn�t been fitted for a bra since I was 14.

But My New Best Friend (she�s seen me half naked and felt me up after all) at Petticoat Fair has changed all that. A walk-in visit to grab a few wedding necessities has changed my life. I am now the bewildered owner of a brand new silhouette.

My chin now hovers precariously 3 inches from my boobs. (I yawn very carefully now.) My breasts sit so high that it�s all I can do not to stare myself in the �eyes.� I�m strapped in so tight that slouching is actually painful.

�How does it feel?� My New Best Friend asked in the dressing room after outfitting me in my new foundation wear. �Comfortable?�

�Mmmmmm�are they supposed to be so, well�militant-looking?� I asked, warily pushing at the steel underwired sides of my boobie containment units.

She chuckled and ran out to bring a half dozen more �berbras to try on.

I don�t know exactly how I feel about my new shape. (My fianc� let out a cheer upon hearing news of my newly official cup size.) It�s just that something seems wrong to me about their new position. I mean, sure, I�m busty for my height (the short side of average) and weight (the average side of average for my height). But my boobs � only what God gave me one summer between 7th and 8th grades � shouldn�t look like implants, right?

They don�t languidly bob and sway anymore. They don�t gently slope like they used to.

They now stand at attention like terriers daring anyone and everyone to bring it on.

�Breasts� is too soft a word for what my boobs look like now. Bosoms, titties, boobies, n�n�s � not right either. And while �mammae� is scientifically correct, I think I�ll them �Bruiser� (the left one) and �Bruno� (the right one) from now on.

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